Listen. I’m 32 years old, and I have a small penis. 4.5 inches, erect. And I have great, mind-blowing sex. I’ve always been a very sexual person–I lost the big V at 15, and I’ve had around 25 partners in my life. Threesomes, with beautiful women. Waitresses, doctors, professors. You name it.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not insecure sometimes. The media, porn, and locker-room chat have led men to believe we’re supposed to have these giant schlongs, and made most men feel inadequate about the size of their cocks. I have a new girlfriend–she’s hot. I mean, really hot, and even at 32 I started to get anxious about my penis size the first time we had sex. She likes me, I know that, but… was it going to be big enough? Would I satisfy her? Even after we had sex, after she was positively glowing, after she called the next day to say how wonderful it was, I still wondered… did she think my cock was too small?
I mean, the obvious answer is no. She had long, satisfying orgasms, both vaginally and clitorally. She was screaming at me to keep going, keep going!, and yet I, like a doofus, kept wondering:
She’s screaming so loud the neighbors are starting to bang on the walls, but is she really enjoying herself???
To be fair, I wasn’t exactly cowering in my lack of self-confidence. I’m in good shape, I’m intelligent, and while I don’t exactly study sex, I’m no slouch. And frankly, she was pushing me too hard for me to really have time to worry. But it creeps up on you, and you start to wonder.
Checking Other Guys Out
Tonight I went ahead and googled “I have a 4.5 inch cock” and was both pleased and mortified about the search results. Not the ads, I didn’t pay any attention to those. I was pleased because I went to a few great sites like Dear Cupid and Go Ask Alice, where every single woman said the same thing–they don’t care. They want someone who pays attention to them. SophieB had a comment that seemed to sum a lot of people’s thoughts up:
I am a 30 year old woman, and I have never even really thought about penis size! Honestly, it’s actually not a factor is sexual satisfaction to me at all; and I would never judge someone in that way. If I liked a guy, and wanted to go to bed with him: penis size-IRRELEVENT. If I like you-you have got me already, and new information is not going to change my mind!
And an anonymous commenter on Go Ask Alice:
I agree with a lot of the previous comments! The best sex I’ve ever had is with the man with the smallest penis from the others. One example of this: I used to dread having anyone enter me from behind – a 6 in. penis would hurt me so much I’d be wailing and not in a good way! It was impossible for me to take any pleasure from that. The smaller penis allowed me to have sex in any position and enjoy it to the fullest extent. I only discovered with a smaller size (allowing me to try more positions) that I could, as a woman, ejaculate. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm anyway — size of the penis matters very little to me, as long as there *is* one. In fact, I prefer a smaller size because it just allows me to relax rather than worrying about discomfort in certain positions. A girl just wants to be treated nicely and given some love. Yay for all sizes.
I felt bad for all the responses on sites like Livestrong. The article is actually a fairly reassuring piece by Adam Cloe, who tells men to chill out about their cock size. But the comments were what saddened me, because there were so many kids wondering if their cock was large enough, and it didn’t seem to matter how big they were to begin with. Guys with 4 inch cocks, who seemed to have great sex lives, were wondering if they were okay, and guys with 8 inch cocks wouldn’t even have sex because they thought they should be 9 inches!
Just the Facts
I don’t know if we’ve ever done an adequate study on penis length–ever study I’ve seen has a possibility for self-selection (meaning, people who believed they had small cocks may well have never entered the study), so I have a feeling the national average is a little smaller than anything that’s been documented. However, there’s a decent summary in Adam Cloe’s Livestrong piece:
The average human penis is between 5.1 and 5.9 inches in length, though the “normal” range is between 4.3 and 7.5 inches. The average girth is around 5 inches.
There’s a decent Wikipedia article on penis length, but this relies too much on a well-intentioned but horribly biased study by Lifestyle condoms that took place on a beach full of frat boys. I’m not buying it. Self-selection at it’s highest–I sure as hell wouldn’t have let my dick get measured during a drunken event on a beach.
First, You Cock Size Matters So Little, Because Your COCK Matters Very Little
I don’t want to downplay your cock too much, but honestly, girls like oral. A lot. And they like vibrators, and they like massages. They might like poetry, or they might like you to talk dirty to them, or they might get really, really hot if you tell them you love them (if you mean it!), because commitment turns some women on. But not all–don’t stereotype, or you’ll miss out.
I’m a fan of not having sex on the first (or second, or third…) date, actually–get to know a woman and find out what she likes. When I was younger and more concerned about my cock size, I would do the whole get-her-drunk-and-hot-on-the-first-date routine. I don’t think guys with small cocks are alone in this, and of course we don’t just do this because of insecurity or fear of intimacy. We do it because we’re horny, too! I’m older, however, and think it’s better to wait a while, build some trust, and get to know each other…
Of course, there’s always exceptions to the rule!
How You Use It
Again, my cock is 4.5 inches. It is, legitimately, a smaller than average cock, and that means there’s a few things I have to keep in mind when I’m having sex. Regular missionary position is fine, and a decent fall back, but there’s better positions for guys with short penises, and some things to watch out for. Here’s just a few warnings and tips:
1.) On Top!… when she’s on top, that’s about the only time I have to make sure we’re not going to run into any problems, and by that, I mean I don’t want her to get over-enthused, wind too far back, have me slip out, and then have her break my cock by crashing down on it sideways. I worry about this, because she really likes the top! And she gets really enthused! So my job is to keep my hands on her hips and hold her so she doesn’t get off course. It’s a good thing I’m as athletic as she is (and that’s not a coincidence, guys! You want a hot athlete, you probably need to start putting the miles in!), because I have to use a ton of upper body strength to keep her in check.
2.) From Behind!… For short guys, coming at her from behind (and I’m talking vaginal, here!) is good. I didn’t think doggy style would work for me when I was young, but that was because of a mixture of self-consciousness and bumbling first attempts. No more! For this to work, she needs to get on her knees (spread the knees just a little) and then (this is key) arch her back down so that her butt is sticking up in the air. Arching her back down puts her vagina at an angle that allows you to get really deep inside her. This is physics, but not a huge secret. You go deeper than regular missionary. Here’s a Wikipedia article on this position (diagram included). Hint: sometimes this is a tricky position, especially for first timers–the guy can help but pushing down a bit on her lower back to guide her into position.
3.) Revised Missionary!… like the missionary, but put a pillow under her butt so her vagina is pointed up instead of horizontal. Next step depends on her flexibility and strength, but you need to do something with her legs–either spread them, or she might like to have her knees tucked towards her chest, shins somewhere around her ears. Play around and find whatever’s most comfortable. From this position, again, you can go really really deep (deep enough to keep any woman satisfied) and you probably can arrange handy access to his clitoris so you can rub her at the same time.
4.) Push It Around!… once you’re in, try some variations to the old “in and out.” Use circular motions with your hips to twirl your cock. Try leaning your weight so you’re putting more tension on the top or bottom of her vaginal walls. Increase tempo! Decrease tempo! If she’s vocal, great, but if she’s not naturally communicative, develop some dialogue. Simple commands like “harder!” or “softer!” are solid standbys for her, and of course keep an ear our for how hard she’s moaning.
Advantages to Small Cocks
There are probably more advantages to having a small cock than disadvantages. No joke. Really big cocks can intimidate and even hurt women. Over 5 inches and you have to watch out so you don’t bruise her cervix. Actually, everyone has to watch out for this, because like men, women’s genitalia come in every shape and size. But for the most part I can go really hard and generally really fast, in such a way that I can bring a woman a lot of pleasure without worrying about doing damage.
Also, frankly, I probably get more anal than most men. Women who are interested in trying generally find me a good… er… fit. Some women have really enjoyed anal for the first time with me. And, well, I’m not complaining.
Stop worrying and start preparing. Reading this was a great start, but every man, long or short, has to pay attention when they’re having sex. You’re cock size is fine. Really. Don’t look for pills, don’t buy crap to try to enlarge yourself–NOTHING WORKS. If you have a micro-penis (under 2.5 inches, erect) then talk to your doctor, but even then, sex is a mental activity more than a physical one. Go fuck with the confidence of a rock star, the heart of a poet, and maybe a little kink thrown in, just for fun, and you will eventually discover that all your worrying was for nothing.